She had struggled for years being uncomfortable in her own skin. Ultimately, we battled two years of infertility and dealt with a crushing miscarriage before we conceived our daughter. But, either way, Amy had begun to transition. In fact, coming out was one of the first moves I made in any conversation. There were random people we let come in and out of our lives, a few of which we let crash at our house. Hell, it made me realize there WAS an underdog. On January 28, , our sweet little girl made her way into the world with her fist raised high in triumph, the ultimate expression of her big personality and her joyful interaction with the world at large. So, we did what any other lesbian couple would do… we moved in together. Now, we had everything that my parents had desperately feared I would miss out on:
These things transcend labels. Being gay took me out of the realm of being entirely privileged—it made me empathetic, opened my eyes to all the privilege I still held, and it made me want to fight for the underdog. Instead, for her efforts, she was spiraling deeper and deeper into depression. That was another problem: And life did get turbulent. Now, we had everything that my parents had desperately feared I would miss out on: We rehashed the meetings, joked about the weak coffee, and both started to heal from the physical and emotional ravages of alcohol. I was elated to find out that there was nothing wrong—I was just gay. But, either way, Amy had begun to transition. We had a blast. There were random people we let come in and out of our lives, a few of which we let crash at our house. When she looked at me, I was completely undone. She understood me in many ways better than I understood myself. So, in October , we both got sober. It turns out that I was the only one here with a decision to make. There were close calls with infidelity, drunken arguments, and wounded egos. Fast forward to my late 20s. Being out was my way of proudly proclaiming that gay people are worthy of marriage and parenthood—that we live and love the same way that everyone else does. If I listed the most important things about myself, being gay was always in the top three. I was the first gay person most of my friends had ever met. But, not to be held back by a minor point like legality, we had an outdoor ceremony with all our friends. But it seemed like the perfect reconnection for us—over Jell-O shots in the midst of our tribe. She had struggled for years being uncomfortable in her own skin. I went back to those gay bars… looking for a connection, looking to lose myself in the moment. I found those things sometimes. I had obsessed over the idea that my complete disinterest in guys meant there was something really wrong with me.
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